Missing my Grandpa

I can't say how much I miss looking across a room full of people and my Grandpa winking at me. Such a simple little thing, yet so full of meaning. The meaning that he's proud of me, he thinks that I am doing good, and that I'm special to him.

I can't put into words how much I long to hear him say, oh to hear him say just one more time with that smile on his face and light in his eyes, "You'll always be my little girl." He had told me that several times throughout my growing up, it never ever got old. Each time I filled up with happiness and said, "Yep! That's right!" 

When I was a toddler and started doing the monkey bars for the first time and I became known as "Grandpa's Little Monkey". When you were so proud of the big John Deere tractor you bought and gave us rides on it. That time I grabbed your hand as we walked up to the pasture so I could show you my pony and you gave my little hand a squeeze. On my 10th birthday you said I had to drive since I was now in the double digits so you took me out on an old dirt road and I sat on your lap while you did the gas and I steered. How you came out to our house several times a week just to visit with us and never once did you not bring suckers and tootsie rolls. When my duck died you went out and found me a duckling at a farm store and surprised me with it. At my piano recital when you exclaimed, "She's good, ain't she?!" to the crowd and clapped and clapped for me.

How you told me that you hoped you lived long enough to be at my wedding. Oh Grandpa never could I explain the sadness of you not being able to. I wanted you to be there with all that is in me. I wanted you to be proud of whoever my future husband is. 

How you were always there to listen to us. How excited you got with us about little things. The big thumbs up you did as you told us good job on something we'd accomplished. The caring in your eyes if any of us got hurt. Your hugs, with that old spice cologne scent. The stories you would tell. They were the best. 

Ah, Grandpa I miss you more than you could ever imagine. Life isn't the same without you. You left an empty spot that nobody else can ever fill. And I want you to know that I will always be your little girl. 

My sweet Grandpa and I dancing together at a picnic. <3